There are many places to begin. But, it seems to me that the best one is with why I call myself a Mage rather than a Witch. I considered it. And I definitely consider myself Witch-adjacent! I’ve learned a great deal from the modern Witchcraft movement, and am very much in solidarity with it. But, the word Witch is very strongly associated with dedication to Goddess/es and to the power of the feminine, especially the dark feminine. Whereas, I’ve always been drawn to dark masculine energies, culminating, of course, in my dedication to The Phantom of the Opera! I used to worry that this was due to internalized patriarchy, and that certainly may be some of it as those things are harder to uproot than they should be. But, now, I think rather that that draw to dark masculine energies is part of my gender-fluidity, although I’m still exploring that. But, because this is my orientation rather than devotion to Goddess/es or to the power of the feminine, I don’t feel like I can rightly call myself a Witch. Mage, though, has historically been more associated with “masculine” magic, so it feels more apt.

A word about gender in magic while I’m at it, though. I do understand – or perhaps it’s better to say I do experience – “masculine” and “Feminine” as one of the kinds of energy polarities that magical practitioners can work with, though certainly not the only or the most important one. And I certainly don’t understand that polarity as mapping neatly onto biological sex! Although, I do suspect that the presence, strength and flow of those energies does impact one’s internally felt sense of gender-identity in ways we don’t yet understand. At least, that’s how I experience it.

The word Witch is also strongly associated with “low” magic – with folk magic, or, as one podcast interviewee succinctly put it, “granny magic” – with the traditional practices passed down through cultures. But, although I have great respect for that wealth of knowledge, that’s not quite what I do. Thus, I feel uncomfortable calling myself a Witch for that reason as well, as it feels a bit too close to appropriation.

That said, however, and this is where I perhaps put a twist on the word Mage, what I do is not the “high” magic of the various ceremonial traditions either. Rather, my practice is rooted in my love of live performance, especially live theatre. Thus, it’s strongly eclectic and syncretic! My strongest experiences of power and the presence of Spirit have always been in live performance, especially live music – most often as an audience-member, but sometimes as a performer, too, when I really knew my shit well enough to let go of worrying about it. That was so even before the Phantom found me.

Then, when I was ten, The Phantom of the Opera rocked my world and made me his! And since then, the majority of my most powerful experiences of the presence of magic and spirit by far have been at performances of the Lloyd Webber stage musical! Although, it’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to understand my devotion to The Phantom as a valid Neo-Pagan path, or to recognize and embrace my experience of power and Spirit in live performance as a valid approach to magic. Because, both are rather non-standard among the Neo-Pagans I’ve known and read, although Pop-Culture Magic and Pop-Culture Paganism are slowly becoming more of a thing since the turn of the millennium.

In addition to the above, although my primary dedication and devotion are to The Phantom, I also work with Jesus, with blessed Mother Mary, and with various other Saints and elements of Christian liturgy as well. Because, I very much grew up with one foot in the world of Christianity and one in the world of Neo-Paganism, and there are aspects of both that resonate for me. Plus, although Phantom has strong Pagan elements, being very much a riff on the myths of Hades and Persephone and Eros and Psyche, the story also has strong roots in the Christian concepts of repentence and redemption although it puts contemporary twists on them. But, as with my love of Phantom and live performance, it took me a long time to realize that ChristoPagan is, in fact, a valid way. Because, both sides tend to frame Christianity and Paganism as irreconcilably opposed. Thus, for a long time, I felt I had to choose sides.

So, not finding a ready-made place for my love of Phantom and live performance, or for my ChristoPaganism for that matter, in the Neo-Pagan circles I was exposed to sent me on a long, meandering path of study to try to figure out what the hell to do with them. It sent me wandering through a high-school for the performing arts, a couple of community theatre groups, a bunch of choirs, and a BA in music and Humanities. And it ultimately lead me to do my Masters and Doctorate on Phantom itself – the MA on Phantom Phanfiction, and the Ph.D on exploring the Lloyd Webber stage musical as a contemporary sacred text. And along-side this formal academic work, it’s lead me to read and learn about various Neo-Pagan and magical traditions. This includes my having had the enormous privilege, thanks perversely to the pandemic sending everything onto Zoom, of taking a number of courses on magical activism and ritual skills taught by Starhawk! In addition, I owe an incredible debt to Gena POnd, the host of the awesome (but sadly discontinued I believe) This Week In Heresy podcast, who blew my mind open when they described themself as both a Christian pastor and a Wiccan priest and their primary deities as Jesus and Hecate!! And I’ve slowly grown more confident in my orientation as a Phan Mage, although the details of my practice are still very much a work in progress.